Seriously??????

Well, today's exciting news? We're being evicted. Whoever screwed up our economy... I hope you're happy. Any ideas on how to really fast come up with first and last months rent? Really... I don't think I signed up for all this crap. At one time in my life I would have looked at me and thought that I seriously must have screwed up somewhere in life to have been alotted so much in a short two years! Sad thing is, Cupcake has a lawsuit that should be over in July. We were hoping to use it for a down payment on this house. 6 weeks... how quickly life can change in a matter of minutes. Good News: Puddles promises my husband that when he dies she will "drag him home and take care of him"... when I started to laugh, she said to me in all the wisdom of her 4 years," Do you know how hard it is to drag an old man home?" Then very solemnly, she promised me that "when you die I will piggyback you home and take care of you". I still haven't found out if she's going to carry me, or use my dead body to be piggybacked upon, lol. Might make good fodder for the compost pile.... maybe. Heaven knows there's enough of me to fodder! Really Heavenly Father, when you promised mot to give me more than I could handle, did I really say "Oh, no, that's ok, even when I've hit the more than I could handle button, could you pile on a little more?" I think I've hit the panic button... You can stop anytime now please.

Utility Bills???? Blech!

Has life and utility bills ever gotten you down? This week we have had our gas shut off. Thank heavens it's summer time. Really who needs hot water to take a shower or wash dishes? There's nothing like washing your hair and getting a head rush! I for one don't particularly care if it gets turned on again before it snows. The pioneers lived without hot running water, right? What doesn't kill me will make me stronger. We just have to start the bath water an hour and a half before bath time so that we have time to heat water on the stove... no problem. Gas Company!!!! I'm on strike! Any ideas on how to make a shower for Cupcake? He is not spry enough to hop in and out of the tub... hmmmm.... wonder what I could do with some surgical tubing and a sprinkler head. Maybe just a trip to the car wash... he he he... now that would be some entertainment. If i video tape it, I could put it on Utube! Maybe sell tickets.... popcorn... oh, yeah, and some of those flashing handheld dealeys you can buy at walmart! I know... I'm sure everyone would like to buy a t-shirt. Life in the world in my mind is so much fun!

Did I really just have to do that????

Honestly, I really never thought that at ages 6 and 4, I would have to tell Bella and Puddles that they needed to wait for mommy before they gave each other tattoos! And to make it even more ironic, they got them from the primary president! I love it... I found that rather funny. I mean I've had this chat with my 16 year old... have you ever seen a tattoo on an old person? They just look like a big ink blotch. (I actually have a weird tattoo fascination, but never intend to let my children know this.) My father would come back and haunt me for the rest of forever! Seriously, I watch too much TV. You know on those crime shows, how the family has to go and identify a body? How would your mother feel if they told her you had a tattoo, and she said no, it wasn't you because you didn't have any? This train of thought is what happens when you get no sleep. I have way too much time to contemplate such issues.

An Explanation

My first post. I hope to be honest and forthright in my posting... if I offend anyone, I am very sorry. I find no matter how terrible life can be, a little humor makes it easier to get through. I hope to share my experiences and trials in life to help others get through their own private hell. We all have our own demons to fight.
This last year and a half has been particularly hard for me. I lost my oldest daughter through a horrific chain of events. She's 16 and has vowed never to speak to me again. My heart is in a constant mode of breaking. I am trying to do what I think is best for her, and in my heart i know it is the right decision, but getting my head to understand that is a whole different matter. I'm in a permanent state of second guessing my every decision. It is one of those situations where you sit back and you look at it, and wonder..... How in the heck did this happen? How did it get to this point? I love her so much.... Magpie, you're in my heart, thoughts, and prayers daily. Please take every opportunity you are given, and use it to better yourself, and make your Mammy and Papa proud of you. Heavenly Father, Mom and Dad, please watch over her and keep her safe.... help her where I cannot. I miss you, and your sisters feel your separation horribly.
I also lost both of my parents last year to cancer. That was a real kick in the backside. A nightmare for me. As the youngest, I was blessed to spend a lot of time with them.... which I will cherish forever. My mother accepted her death with alarming tidiness. By the time her death came, she had written her own obituary, made plans with her favorite funeral director, and made sure my dad had new pants for the funeral. She had the funeral planned, and had talked to those she wanted to speak. That woman is amazing. I find at times that all I want is my mommy. Seriously, I'm 38 years old.... I just want to crawl into bed with her and snuggle. I'd give anything for a 5 minute conversation, and a kiss on her soft cheek.
My father was a pillar of the community, and so did not deserve all of the fun we made of him. Our family has a sick sense of humor, and for some reason we found silliness in the events of death. So sorry Pop. Please take into account that none of us make fun of people we don't love. I'm really sorry that I made the sisters take me to the Dollar store to buy Christmas ornaments and you passed away while we were gone. I whined and cheated them out of the experience. And you hated Christmas. I have to tell you, it's not as much fun for me anymore either. I miss you, and I even miss hearing frustration and disappointment in your voice at my own stupidity. I will be forever greatful for the example you have set for my husband, Cupcake. His desire to become a priesthood holder and ability to bless our family gives me great hope. Please watch over my Magpie. Your faith and examples are great.
In the last year as well, we've had to take out bankruptcy, lost a vehicle, and gotten to know the rest of the police department on a first name basis. Thank you to my friends there, for honoring Pop... and for helping us out with our mess of a life. I have been blessed with a primary position.... The little ones are so much smarter than me! I am learning so much from them. My friends, thank you for all that you do! I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.
My husband... if you had only known what you were getting yourself into! I have no idea why you chose me, or chose to keep me. I am so greatful for our children. For your compassion and care for those who are less fortunate. For your desire to advance in your beliefs and abilities. For your ability to forgive... and your capacity to still give to those who have hurt you. You drive me crazy.... but I love you anyway.